Two different babies/ Two different stories-Clara's birth story.

Clara's birth story can be found here.

Going into Clara's birth, I had no expectations.  I had been scarred by my expectations.  I wanted to live the polar opposite.  If they wanted to induce me, fine by me.  If they mentioned a cesection, bring it on. Sure, I planned on trying to breastfeed, but I was going to take that a day at a time.  If a nurse came into the room and suggested a formula feeding, I was going to be the first to grab a bottle.  I had not refreshed my  memory by reading any books.   This time around, I barely remembered what "Babywise" even said.  I wanted to go into this thing with as little plan as possible.  A plan scared me.

Funny thing is, Clara's birth was exactly my plan....for Hudson's birth.  I went into labor on my very own.  Contractions came quickly.  We rushed to the hospital.  I received no pitocin.  I had no IV.  I was given an epidural during transition so that my labor would not be slowed. She came quickly with very few complications.  She did poop in my womb, but everything was fine!  God had given me the plan I wanted, but he gave it to me when I loosened my grip on it and trusted Him! He gave it to me through another baby.

The whole hospital stay felt like a vacation.  The nurses did not even bother me.  I slept!  I ate.  I relished in people serving me and not having to take care of anyone but this tiny baby.  She seemed easy compared to the tornado that was my two year old!  In addition, not one nurse mentioned formula feeding to me.  It never came out of a single person's mouth.  Nursing was going great.  She was latching well and it didn't hurt.

I still had in my mind that I was going to take this a day at a time though.  I was going to take this whole experience a day at a time.  I was going to lay on the couch with this baby and rest.  I was going to nurse her, but I was ready to give her a bottle the moment I sensed the need.  Guess what?  A year later, and I am still nursing this sweet baby.  She won't even take bottles, and weaning her seems like a daunting task.   Never thought I would experience that side.

Clara was colicky, but since I was taking it a day at time, it never seemed like a huge deal.  There were weeks where she nursed terribly, but like I said, I was taking it a day at time.  I seriously never left that motto.  It worked for us.  It worked for me.

This sweet girl slept in our room for 11 months.  Hudson left after 11 weeks.  She slept through the night at 11 months.  Hudson did at 11 weeks.  She still has to be nursed to sleep.  Hudson knew exactly how to sleep on his own.  I made Hudson homemade baby food.  I never even fed Clara baby food.  Hudson had his first french fry and taste of sugar at a year old.  I caught Clara sucking down a ketchup packet this morning.  She had her first Chick Fil A meal the moment she reached for it.

I have lived the polar opposites of the newborn stage.  I am grateful for that.  I am grateful for the experiences on both ends.  Because of this, I do not believe there is one right way.  I am skeptical of information that tells me I will harm my baby by not letting her cry it out, but then again, I am skeptical of information that tells me I will harm her if I don't.  I am so thankful for this perspective.  We live in a world where moms feel pressure, when I really feel like every story, every family, every mom, and every baby is unique.  We are in no place to tell a mom what she should be doing.  

I am so grateful for my two very different babies and their two very different birth stories.

Two Babies/ Two Different Stories-Hudson's Birth Story

Celebrating Clara's first year has caused me to reflect on both experiences with my babies.  They were both very different.  Different babies, different births, different seasons of life, different birth orders, different genders, different perspectives etc...

I have never shared much about Hudson's birth on this blog.  I really had not started blogging yet, and there is so much about that season of my life that is personal for my family.  It is our story to share with those we love, and I want to be sensitive to Hudson and Will with the stories I share.

Briefly, I went into Hudson's birth with tons of control.  I thought I could stay in control as a parent.  I had a detailed birth plan, as well as a plan for everything else under the sun.  Along with wanting to breastfeed for a year, I knew just how to get my baby to sleep once he was born. I also knew just when to introduce the paci, the bottle, and how to spread out vaccines.  To be blunt, I was naive of the whole thing.
While there is nothing wrong with having a plan, I was under the assumption that I could be in control of every bit of his life.  It was up to ME.

Hudson had to be induced because I was 10 days late. Induction was not part of my birth plan.  I already had to loosen my grip on my agenda.  To make matters worse, the nurses at the hospital seem to have a better idea of what Hudson's birth should be like,  and I was not confident enough to stand firm to my birth plan.  So, I lost more and more control.  Hudson was not even born, and I was confused and spiraling out of control.

Hudson's birth was incredibly long.  I pushed from noon to close to 5:30, and was seconds from a c-section before he made his arrival.  The whole time I was in the hospital the nurses kept pushing me to try formula.  I consulted my doctor who advised me not to do that.  I was so confused.  I thought that you were not supposed to give the baby formula in the hospital.  I was under the assumption that formula caused the baby to never ever want to nurse.  The nurses never really even explained why they wanted him to have formula either.   I couldn't sleep or eat.  I was so stressed out and confused.  I just wanted to stick to my plan.

We finally left he hospital and headed home.  The first night, Hudson only peed once.  I continued to nurse him, but the next morning, he looked weak.  He had cracked lips and was slow to respond.  We rushed him to the hospital to discover he was dehydrated.  What?  I thought babies could survive for a couple of days before mom's milk fully came in.  The doctors assured me that they could, and that only 1 percent of babies dehydrate a day after birth.

The team of doctors admitted him and began a full 3 days of testing and treating him for every possible scenario.  I felt terrible.  I felt like a complete failure.  How on earth did I let a newborn baby dehydrate before my very eyes?  Why did I not listen to the nurses and give him formula?  I was a mess of emotion and overwhelmed with worry over my newborn son.  To make matters worse, I had not slept or really even eaten since the night before he was born...almost 3 days.  I was also suffering from some complications with his birth.  Complications that I will not go into on the internet.  Complications that are uncommon after most births.  I was a big mess.

They did a spinal tap, blood work, and began several rounds of antibiotics to cover all of the bases.  In addition to starting an IV to pump fluids in his tiny body, they began giving him formula every two hours.  One  doctor came in and advised me not to nurse him or give him any pumped milk.  He feared something may be in my milk that was causing the reaction.  Another doctor told me that it would be fine to nurse first, but then to feed him the formula.  More confusion.  My milk was not even in yet, and I was advised not to nurse!  Then, I was advised to nurse!  What did they want me to do?  To make matters worse, doctors continued to come in with their idea of what might be wrong.  Scary stuff was mentioned.  Stuff I was not in a place to hear.  I spent another night not eating or sleeping, and by the next morning, I was delirious.

We were there three days.  I left for one night to try to sleep, but it did not really happen.  The doctors never found anything.  They came to the conclusion that he was dehydrated from birth.  We left with no answers, but we had a healthy son.  I left lost and out of control.  In 3 days, I had given my son formula and tons of antibotics.  His little body was full of stuff that I did not want to be there.  To make matters worse, I could not eat or sleep, and therefore, I could not produce the milk to feed him.

Our family and my very best friends were there for me during this transitional time.  I have never experienced community and the love of Jesus to this extent.  Basically, this loss of control had spiraled me into postpartum depression, and my sweet friends did not leave my side for weeks.  They cleaned, they cooked, and they fed by baby.

In the end, I did not end up breastfeeding.  The postpartum depression was a main factor.  I did not have the emotional strength of build my milk supply.  I had to eat.  I had to sleep.  I had to get better.  I was also fearful of nursing.  I had let my baby dehydrate.  What if that happened again?  Do not get me wrong, I was heartbroken.  I actually grieved the loss of nursing.  It had been my plan before  I even had babies.  I wanted to nurse.  I was excited to nurse.  I wanted to be the one that nourished my little newborn.  I lost that.  One of my very best friends had to come to my house and retrieve all of my nursing supplies because I broke down crying just from looking at them.

All that said, Hudson's birth and first several weeks were tough. It is still hard to look at pictures from those first few weeks.  It brings back memories of a scary, uncertain time.  I look back now and see how much I learned from that experience.

 I learned what true community looks like and how to be that community to others.  I had friends that never left my side.  They loved me during my messiness.  It was ugly.  I was not easy to love, but they loved me.

I learned how to lean on Jesus during tough times.  It has been awhile since I had experienced a trial in my life.  It is the valleys that bring us vision.

 I experienced the grief that comes from having a sick newborn baby and am now able to empathize with young parents going through similar situations.

 I experienced the pain that comes with not being able to breastfeed in a world that makes you feel like a child abuser if you don't nurse you baby.  Now, when a new mom cries on my shoulder because breastfeeding is so hard, I can say, "I know.  It is ok.  I have been there."  She is not alone.  I have walked where she walked and can love her though it.

 I have experienced a real thing called postpartum depression.  I can often spot it.  I can be a resource and a shoulder for young moms that are experiencing it.

I also am grateful.  Grateful that I have a healthy 3 year old son.  It could have been worse.  So much worse.

So, that being said, so much of who I am as a mom is because of Hudson's birth story.  I am so thankful for the way he arrived on the earth.  It was not how I planned it, but God's grand design is far better than my original birth plan.

Our Daily Routine

Our daily routine changes often...based on the needs of our family.  Here is the routine we are sticking to during the fall.

My time with the Lord and coffee with Clara by my side

Breakfast

Morning chores
-----clean up breakfast, clothes away or to laundry room, make beds, kiddos dressed

TV show while I shower and get ready for the day

Playtime/ room time

Clara's nap/ Hudson's preschool time
    -  This include letter and number work, a book, Bible time, and an activity.  Afterwards, we usually play
         outside together.

Morning snack

Morning outing
     -Grocery store, Wal-mart or Target, bank, errands, park, library, etc...

Lunch

After lunch chores
-----clean up lunch and toys

Playtime/ room time

Movie to wind down

Nap/ rest time

Afternoon snack

Outside time

Daddy home...time with him

Dinner and family worship time
.......Our worship time right now includes prayer sticks I found from pinterest, and a short reading from the            book "Thoughts to Make your Heart Sing."

Bath time

Evening chores
......Final toy clean up, laundry is put away, trash out, etc...

Bedtime stories

Bed!

Will and I usually crash on the couch and watch 24.  We are deep into this series!

This schedule will change when Clara drops her morning nap and when Hudson transitions to only rest time. For now, it works great for us.  I think that the kids love consistent days.  We do not stick to rigid time frames, but we also don't live our day on the fly.  I love a predicable plan that can easily be canned if opportunity presents itself!

My Advice to the new SAHM

I am by no means the expert on the Stay at Home Mom. I have only been doing it for a little over 3 years.  This is just thoughts I felt compelled to write down. Nothing you read here is new or profound information. It is also important to note that this advice is for Christians.  I love Jesus, and all that I do is through the lenses of His glory.

Also to note, I love the working mom and fully support them. I am not a better mom than you because I stay at home.  I am just not there in this season of my life, and therefore, I cannot give advice there.

1)Know why you are a SAHM.  ---
The days are going to be long and often tough.  It is good to have a vision to look back on and remember why you are a SAHM.  It is not because you could not find a job or because you have no aspirations.  It is because for one reason or another, you have decided that this road is best  for your family.  Know why and remind yourself every single day.

2) Be ready to face criticism.---
You will hear people say, "I could never do that." or "Wow, that  must be nice.  Wish I could do that."  Focus on your why.  There will be people who think that you are doing something unworthy of a title.  There will also be moms who wish they were in your shoes, and therefore, may respond with a tinge of jealousy.  Have grace on those that do not understand or are not where you are.

3)Remember that what you are doing is so very important.---
God has given you these children.  They will only be little for a moment, and you are preparing them for the world ahead of them.  It is a noble, worthy, and highly important task.  No, the world will not applaud you for it.  You will not receive a paycheck.  Yet, you are spending precious time investing in the souls of your children, the legacy that you will leave behind. Wiping noses, drying tears, and coloring is the work of God's kingdom. This is your daily ministry. This of course, goes for the working mom too.

4)Support other moms.---
Support the working mom, the stay at home mom that does things differently than you, the formula feeding mom, the breast feeding mom, the cloth diapering mom, the organic mom, and the mom who feeds her kids Chef Boyardee.  You may feel strongly about something and think another mom should feel that way, but guess what? She might not. That is ok. She may one day feel the way you do about cloth diapers, but just because she is not there yet, it does not make her a bad mom.  We are all learning and deciding what is best for our families. Lets support each other in the process.

4) Take all that you hear with a grain of salt.--
You will be given a plethora of information, and often times, leave feeling fully convinced of what you were just told.  Don't read something and feel like you are a bad mom if you are not doing exactly what the article or book tells you to do. You can't do everything 100 percent.  You will drive everyone in your home crazy trying. The important thing is to continue learning and let God and your husband lead your family in the direction it should be going.

5)Learn what makes you a unique mom.---
Like I said, you can't do everything, but God has gifted you with gifts.  Some moms are passing gardening to their children while some are sharing the love of sewing.  Other moms may be good at crafting or pass on the love of books.  That doesn't mean we can't dabble a little in everything, but it also means we do not have to love everything!  The mom that raises chickens and feeds her family from the garden is not a better mom than you.  Your children are just as loved eating store bought veggies!  That mom is passing on Her passion to HER children.  Let her.  You pass down what you love to your littles.  It is just as worthy and special.

6)It will look like everyone is having more fun that you.---
Thanks to Instagram, blogs, and Facebook, it truly looks like everyone sits around all day and crafts, cooks, takes hikes, etc..  They don't.  You are getting a glimpse into other people's life.  We all can make our lives look like fairy tales.  You are not seeing that which isn't deemed worthy of a picture, and everybody is having those moments.  All. the. time.

7)It is ok to play with your children.---
I have to remember this most days.  I feel like I am not productive if I spend hours on the floor playing with trucks.   This is a lie.  You are a SAHM. You GET to do this!  Your little one will not love toy trucks forever.  Play with him. Teach him while you are playing.  Communicate love through time.  It is important.  I promise.

8) It is ok to clean your house.---
You are with your littles all day long, but you still need to see you take care of the home.  Let them help. You are sharing life with them, and responsibility is part of it.  It will never be spotless, and there will always be more to do.  Remember that too.

9)It is ok to talk to your friends on the phone and take a moment to flip through social media.---
We all read the "Dear Mom with the Iphone" blog.  I get what that lady was saying and support her.  Still though....you need moments to check back in the adult world.  That is ok!  The stay at home moms of the past did not have this luxury.  We can be grateful for it without taking advantage of it.

On a side not, I totally get why some moms take apps like Facebook off of their phone.  It can become addictive, and always want to be aware of that possibility.

10)Love your husband.---
It goes without saying.  He will Lord willing be the one there when the children are grown and move out of the house. Cultivate that relationship. Go on dates...even if those dates are at home after the kids are in bed. Place him above all other earthly relationships. It is supposed to be this way, and it is best for your children.

11) Take time away.---
Weekly if possible.  If your husband cannot give you that time, find a sitter or swap babysitting with friends.  You need time to refresh your mind.  What you do with your time away will be different each week.  Sometimes I need a Starbucks coffee and a journal.  Other times I need to plan my week.  Most of the time I choose to scour the thrift store.  It doesn't matter!  Just take time away! I think it makes me a better mom.

12)Take time with your girlfriends.---
I cannot get enough time with my girls sans the kiddos.  It is a good remedy for long weary days.

13) Find older moms.--
Titus 2:4 speaks about older women teaching younger women.  There is such a treasure there.  Find it and use it.  They have been there.  They understand where you are and can offer insight.

14) You will find yourself at the end of your rope.----
Parenting is hard. It was not meant to be easy. You will have those days that you feel like you cannot carry on.....days that leave you in tears with your hands up in the air.  You will grow so weary of potty training, whining children, and lack of sleep.  You will feel like it will never end. It will. It will not always be this way.

15) There will be days you feel on top of the world.---
You will have these days too.  Days where your children seem to be transformed into the most obedient and happiest beings on the earth.  You will feel like you are walking on a cloud on those days.  Enjoy it.  It will not always be this way.

16)You need Jesus.---
This is the most important piece of advice I can give a SAHM or for that matter, anyone.  You need Him.  Seek him at all times.  You may not have the time or the energy to pour through scripture and Strong's Biblical Concordance.  You were there once and you will be back there again.  For now, pray constantly and mediate on snippets of scripture.  Let your kids listen to scripture memory songs and the WAY radio station.  Worship him through the songs.  He is your life source.  He is the ultimate why of your reason for being where you are.  Have lots of people in your life that will point you back to him when you can't seem to get it together.

I love my job.  I am grateful for it.  I know that it isn't for everyone, and it is not possible for everyone.  I am blessed to spend my days with those I love most in the world, and I am learning more about myself and Jesus in the process.

Feel free to comment with what you have learned on this journey.  Like the song from High School Musical says, "We're all in this together."

My littlest loves, Hudson and Clara

A New Year

It seems that life operates on the school year. While resolutions are promises are often made at the beginning of a new calendar year, I usually find myself refocusing and revisiting my goals at the end of every summer.  Will and I recently discussed where our family is now, and where we hope for it to be in the future.  We thought in the long and short term.  Long term goals are easier for me.  It is the short term that tends to give me difficulty.  I often ask, "How do I live today?"  So, in some since, I love the start of the new school year because it helps me define that question.  It is when I plan our daily and weekly schedule.  It is a time where I plan for my husband, my children, my friendships.....I try to think through every arena that God has me in, and I weed out that which is not profitable for my time or attention.  I plan my days around those short term goals and continue to keep the long term ones in my vision.

I seem to be rambling, so I will just say that I think it so important to step away and do this.  It stops me from living life haphazardly. 

I think this year will keep us home a good bit. Clara still needs that morning nap, which ensures that we will be home most days  until 10:30.  It is rare that I would get out before then.  Everyone naps from 1-3.  Some mornings Clara can take her morning nap in the car, but I would prefer her to be home.  

I am using her morning nap to  do some structured attention time with Hudson.  I am letting him lead that time.  I do want to work with him on academic material but more than that, I just want to communicate time with him.  There is no other time in the day when it is just him.  I think it is most important for him to have that time with me right now.  I have been reading books that focus on more of a Charlotte Mason style preschool, and I am leaning towards that style of learning with him.  We are going to read through Mason's preschool book list slowly, and we are also going to work through The Big Picture Storybook Bible, along with ABC Scripture Memory.  I also want to strive towards doing one craft, science, and kitchen activity a week, along with some letter and number work.  The main thing Mason teaches is to keep the kiddos outside.  I want to try and do this throughout the day.  This will mean many walks, picnics, trips to the park, and lazy days in the backyard.

I also am working with him on keeping a routine.  He has daily chores.  These include, taking his plate to the sink, brushing his teeth, helping to make his bed, stacking his books on his night stand, taking his dirty clothes to the basket, and helping dress himself.  He has to be prompted to do them, but I am hoping he will eventually do them without being told.

Hudson's school space.

Hudson's preschool space is filled with good books, puzzles, music, and activities for us.  It also contains his chore chart, his Ipad minutes board, and a list of our daily activities.  This space keeps me focuses as much as it does him. 

Other than that, I am planning on doing a MOPS group, and maybe a  Bible Study.  I also plan on taking the kids to the Hoover Library Storytime.  Instead of doing a Mother's Day Out, I have a wonderful babysitter from my church that is going to come over for an afternoon each week.  I am going to use that time to spend time with the Lord, read, and plan my week.

I love being a mom and staying home with this littles.  I truly am grateful and blessed with this time.  The days are hard and slow, but so rich and full!  I am trying to keep my expectations low and the eternal perspective before me.  A daily call to one of my best friends in the same stage of life helps too!  Sometimes, you just need to laugh at the day!

Disclaimer---I use this blog as a journal for my family.  We print it out each year.  I by no means think that your day should look like mine, or that there is only one way to do something.

Our Summer

Today is the last official day of our summer.  I am one lucky lady to have my husband home during the summer. It is a bit fairy tale like, I know, but believe me, we pay for it during soccer season. He does work...cutting lawns, office work for his team, and practices, but for the most part, I am able to plan around his help.  I love having him home for breakfast and going to the grocery store alone.  I will miss that.

We really didn't do much traveling this summer...other than our Chicago trip.  Our days were slow.  We spent most mornings watching cartoons and drinking coffee.  We went to the pool,  the lake, played in the yard, and had many cookouts with friends. We ate many lunches picnic style...my favorite-easy clean up!  We also celebrated the beginning of a new chapter for us....Will accepting a head coaching position at Hoover! Instead or writing details of our summer adventures, I chose some pictures to share instead.  It was a great first summer as a family of 4.





Pool days:

Taken right after Huds took a bite out of Clara.

Blueberry picking:

Lake Day:

My sister, Wendy.

Chuck's pizza!

Kayak date:

Exploring Helena:

Hillsboro walking trails.

Family fun night with our church:

Water balloon fun!

Before Five in a Row with friends: (We did this once a week).

Owen, Huds, and Jacob

Watching Daddy play softball:

Moss Rock:

Annual Chick-fil-a dress like a cow day:

Home improvement projects:

Slow mornings:

Slow evenings:

Watching life begin from porch:

Park days:

4th of July firework explosions in our cul-de-sac:

Laura, Maggie, Noah, Hudson, Charis, and Nikki.

Play dates:

Water day with our playgroup.

Family fun days:

Discovering the wonder of summer storms:

Watching a storm with Daddy...way after bedtime.

Lots of watermelon:

Ryan, Jacob, and Hudson

The Galleria- aka: the coolest place on earth according to Huds:

ABC Toys...Hudson's favorite toy store.

Free carousel rides....Hudson like it....Clara loved it!

This boy loves an escalator.

Oak Mountain:

Oak Mountain Farm.  Clara was obsessed with every animal.

Treetop trail.

Kiddo Update

Clara-

Clara will be 11 months old on the 15th.  She loves to clap, wave, motor boat, and give kisses.  She dances.  She loves animals...especially dogs.  If she spots a dog, her eyes will not leave it.  I love to see her pet and talk to animals.

She loves to crawl and pull up on everything.  She gets really excited when I get out the shredded cheese.  Her favorite toys are bouncy balls and toy cars.  Seriously, I never taught her how to play with either of those...she just started doing it one day.  She loves to go in Hudson's room and "vroom" cars with him.

She says mama, dada, and bubba. She finally started going in the church nursery the entire time.  It has happened twice, but I will keep celebrating each victory for the time being.

Sleeping through the night is still hit or miss for her.  As I write this, I am celebrating last night's victory.  The night before that she was up twice.  You never know with her.  Sometimes, she will fall back asleep after crying for 5-10 minutes.  Sometimes,  I end up nursing her after 30 minutes of crying.  It is torture to let her cry for that long!  I just don't plan on nursing an 8 year old! :)


Hudson is 3 years and 3 months. He loves digging in the dirt.  He gets really pumped about earthworms and red clay.  He loves to check everyone's blood sugar with the broken "blood sugar checker" his pawpaw gave him.  He really needs a doctor kit because he always plays with them!  He also is really good at a few games on the Ipad...including Sonic, Cut the Rope, and Temple Run...sadly, our Ipad is currently not working!  He loves to watch Leapfrog, Barney, Curious George, and some very dated Looney Tunes type shows.  He still loves doors, but his imagination has run wild with them.  He pretends that the door is an elevator or that he is at someone's house.  In fact, I have really noticed his imagination lately.  He is talking to pretend people and acting out pretend scenarios with his toy cars.  It is so sweet to see because he has always been such a mechanical kid!

One main thing I have noticed from 2 to 3 is the talking back.  He makes everything into an argument.  His "why" questions have increased tremendously too.  I think he was a little late on that one though!

He can also fully get in and out of his 5 point harness car seat.  He usually will obey, but when he is in a disobedient mood, it can be scary.  If I turn the buckle around, he can't get out, but I am not sure how safe that is!

He has really done great learning his letters and numbers.  He loves to sit and learn...as long as as you keep your attention on him!  We do think he is a bit behind his peers as far as his maturity level.  That being said, we have decided to not put him in school this year.  I am going to do some directed learning time with him daily, but more importantly, I am excited about just living life with my two littles.  It will be so tiring and messy, but I can't get his time back!

Hudson pretending he has a cast.